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Female visitors to Madame Tussauds were recently asked to vote on which of the depicted celebrities they would most like to date. It was a Valentine's Day thing. The answer was, of course, Henry VIII. 

It wasn't, it was George Clooney. 

This is not a result much to be relied upon by science. The sample group is, it is to be hoped, unrepresentative of womankind. These are people who have chosen to spend their money and time at Madame Tussauds – and if you look at the ticketing page of its website and then drive past the building to view its inexplicably ever-present queue, you'll see that it aspires to extort copious quantities of both. Not only that; these women have then further defiled the sanctity of the gift of life by agreeing to take part in a publicity-garnering PR department dating poll. 

But weird and skewed, like waxworks after a fire, though this electorate may be, Clooney isn't a surprising winner. He's a handsome film star and most women fancy handsome film stars. And the downsides to dating a handsome film star, which in the case of some of them must be manifold, aren't obvious from a waxwork. When they're motionless and smiling in a jacket, the narcissism, the rages, the self-loathing, the covert vomiting, the suppressed homosexuality, the obsessive observance of a recently made-up religion, the bad breath, the weird and random fear of certain noises, the vestigial tail or whatever it is that fate has cursed them with so that megastardom has become, not just survivable, but actually comforting, is not yet apparent. 

However, I was surprised to see who came second in the poll. It was Prince Harry. He strikes me as very different from George Clooney – both in waxwork form and in likely subsequent behaviour should their statues magically come to life. I think it's probable that the women who voted for Clooney and the women who voted for Harry were doing so for different reasons. Clooney is a romantic dream: the perfect-looking unattainable gentleman, the fairytale date whose every smile would make you swoon. Harry meanwhile would probably get you drunk and shag you, which can also be nice. The first group are casting themselves in a celestial narrative, the second have spotted someone they like the look of across a crowded bar. 

I expounded this theory to my wife, because I sense how much she admires my insights into the female psyche. But she disagreed with my analysis. Her view was that the women who voted for Harry did so quite simply because he's a prince. I'd sort of forgotten that Prince Harry was a prince. He doesn't seem very prince-like. But of course, if he weren't a prince, I wouldn't have heard of him. She reckoned the Harry-voters will have reasoned thus: if you go on a date with him, he might marry you and then you'd be a princess and live in a palace. It's not very likely but, you'd surely think, likelier if he'd gone on a date with you than if he hadn't. You have to be pretty low on self-esteem to think that the chances of someone marrying you are reduced if they meet you. 

So it wasn't about the date itself: a choice between Clooney's assured suavity – his solicitude for his companion's comfort, the excellent restaurant, the wine he orders with unobtrusive savoir-faire and then the romantic hours whiled away gazing at the perfect symmetry of his face – and Prince Harry filling a fountain with Cristal, diving in and blowing fart bubbles while singing rude words to the German national anthem. No, these voters were hoping for their date with a waxwork to lead somewhere. 

That must be why Brad Pitt only came fourth. Surely most women would rather spend the evening with him than Harry,Shop Canada Goose Yukon Bomber at our moncler outlet store, factory outlet, more than 2pcs get big discount. but Pitt's already spoken for – extremely convincingly spoken for – while Clooney and Harry still seem to be exploring their options. 

The voters were looking for their Prince Charming but, in Clooney and Harry, were faced with a choice between plain Mr Charming and Prince Not-Tremendously-Charming. They were all having to make do. So I now accept that, if it were a casual shag they were after, they probably wouldn't have chosen either of them. They'd have gone for someone like Tiger Woods whose reputation for having lots of sex is unencumbered by games of naked pool and the awkward presence of tipsy Special Branch officers. 

I don't know whether Tiger Woods was an available option though – there may not be a waxwork of him on display at the moment. But there's definitely a Boris Johnson for those keen on a roll in the hay (as he calls his flaxen pubes). He may not be a prince but he's related to royalty and he's very charming. On a date,Working out of power manage to Canada Goose Calgary Jacket property. a woman could dream, he might combine the charm of a sexually voracious seducer who must have your body at all costs, and a delightful run-down cottage with creatures living in the thatch. 

Or, for those keen on a more classic lothario, there's a JFK. 

But JFK is dead, as distant as the basically married Brad Pitt. The women in the poll may dream of dating a glamorous figure they've never met, and almost certainly never will meet, and enjoy the imagined journey it takes them on. But, if the imagined journey requires the instigation of divorce or the invention of a time machine,Shop for Canada Goose Whistler Parka online. the dream is somehow spoiled. 

And yet,Sale cheap Canada Goose Chateau Parka online, white, black, berry, Graphite canada goose victoria parka hot sale. although your chances of romance with an assassinated president may be infinitely less than they are with George Clooney, that doesn't mean it's a statistically significant difference. Only one is impossible, but neither is going to happen.Shop the latest collection of Canada Goose Camp Down from the most popular stores . So you might as well dream about having a time machine. Like men do. And that the time machine allows you to kidnap Isambard Kingdom Brunel, take him to the 21st century and blow his mind by showing him a Kindle. Like I do. 

The photos accompanying this Tussauds publicity stunt were of their Clooney waxwork, a single red rose in its hand, sitting serenely on a sofa that they'd positioned on Carnaby Street. Young women in coats were photographed kissing him, cuddling up to him, practically sitting on his knee, while he stared forward oblivious and benign, not seeing them, not feeling the cold, waiting for his waxen date.